Heavy
by Kay-chanLufU
Summary: Shuichi has been kicked out by Eiri once again, and he's had enough. Shuichi ponders over what he should do, and why he did what he had done. T for language and mentions of sex.


**Hey again! :) Hope you like this little oneshot, Enjoy and REVIEW!**

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><p><strong>Heavy<strong>

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Shuichi trudged blindly threw the old, deserted park, his head hung down, his heart had sunk. He took a seat on their bench. His and Eiri's bench. This was the park where they had first met, first spoke to one another, where they both first caught a glimpse of true love. The park where Eiri had said to Shuichi, "You have zero talent." The pinkette truly took that to heart- and strived to do better, though he wouldn't let the others see how much of an impact that stranger had left on him.

And that was just another one of his problems. He hid. He masked his true feelings with a hideous, revolting mask of pure _happiness_. Or at least that's how he thought of it. It was hard work being an oblivious idiot. He wasn't happy, nor was he content. He often wondered if he could go on like this... living with that man. He was depressing. Insulting. Plain mean. But Shuichi _knew. _He _knew _Eiri loved him deep down. And so did he.

The singer's head drooped down again. A deep frown was carved into his soft, youthful face. Tears leaked out of the corner of his violet stained eyes and he wasn't about to go running to Hiro with his pitiful problems again. He twiddeled his fingers ruthlessly, out of nervousness he tore the skin, chipped the nails, unluckily leaving them open with blood. When that pestering pain finally became so bothersome that he couldn't continue, he scratched at his arm unconsciously, leaving pink and white trails along the slender limb.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore." He choked out the last word painfully, smiling distainfully at his own pitiful little scene. He couldn't carry the burden of spending his life with Eiri Uesugi. It was too heavy. Just too many things were shoved mercilessly onto his back. He couldn't support the weight of his _and _Eiri's sadness. It was eating away his soul, drowning him in darkness and depression. He couldnt handle Eiri's problems. He drunk like there weren't any consequences. He threw out offensive nothings like there weren't going to be consequences. He abused the people dearest to him like there weren't. Fucking. Consequences.

Shuichi's breath hitched and he hugged his bare arms around himself. It was cold. Snow littered the city, like it was attemping to hide away the sorrow and negativety in pure whiteness. It coated the popstar's head and back as he hunched over and let out years of pent up frustration. The cold nipped at his exposed skin, pulling it into a numbness that he was thankful for.

Eiri had thrown him out. They were fighting, and Eiri had hauled him off by the arm and threw him into the dark cold. Shuichi almost didn't blame him. He has said some things that he had no right to use against his lover.

_"Damnit! Why do you push me away? What did I do?" _

_"You didn't do a damn thing. I just don't want you around me. Simple as that. Get out."_

_"I... fucking bastard!"_

_"Get. Out."_

_Shuichi clenched his fists tightly, drawing blood that dripped down his wrist that the novelist failed miserably to see. _

_"**This **is why people HATE you! You're a no good, SELFISH person! No matter HOW much people try and FUCKING **TRY **TO HELP YOU FEEL BETTER, YOU JUST WON'T LISTEN! No WONDER you lived all alone before you had me! If I had known that you were THIS messed up- I NEVER WOULDV'E TRIED!" Shuichi threw his bloodied hand back and ruthlessly slapped Eiri's cheek, leaving fresh scrapes to linger on his once flawless flesh. _

That was when he had taken Shuichi by the arm and threw him outside, slamming the door and locking it loudly.

Fresh tears ran down his face, remembering the fight vividly against his own will. He loved that man. but he couldn't stand him when he would suddenly dip back into depression like that for no apparent reason. Shuichi wanted someone that would hold _him_ when he was sad. A person who would tell him 'I love you!' on a daily basis, a person who would fucking _return _his love. Shuichi had risked _everything _for that man. His career, his life, his _body._ And all he could do in return was push him away, and have him come crawling back the next day, thinking that sex would make everything okay again. Shuichi was actually starting to think that Eiri only had him around for sex and an occasional shoulder to cry on.

The harsh cold finally started to take effect, melting threw his sponge-like pores and soaking down deep into his bones. The boy shivered and curled up into the bench more. He had only been wearing a T-shirt and jeans when Eiri had thrown him out. No jacket, let alone socks or shoes.

He closed his eyes and sighed, about to call it quits and sleep out there on the old bench.

"Maybe... if I'm lucky, I'll freeze to death. That'd make things a hell of a lot less complicated." He said to himself, shaking his head. He opened his eyes once again, hearing what sounded like a car coming his way. Bright lights blinded his vision, when he had finally had time for his sight to adjust to such light, he noticed the source was of a car's headlights. A tall man made his way out of the car and toward Shuichi.

_"Eiri?" _He had figured the older man wouldn't of bothered looking for him, expecting him to crawl back on his hands and knees again like the loyal little dog he was.

The older man stood before his lover, mortified at the blood stains that Shuichi sported along his cheeks and head. Said boy saw the look of fear on the man's face and examined himself, noticing his hands were torn up pretty badly from the rough treatment they had endured just a few minutes earlier.

"... What hap-" The blonde was cut off my a seething Shuichi.

"Don't FUCKING talk to me!"

"I-I'm sorry-"

"Sorry my ass."

"Shuichi! I can do better better... I swear..." The blonde held the sides of his head, failing to hold hot tears back as they ran down his cheeks, one still red and irratated from earlier.

"OH!" Shu laughed sarcastically, "LIKE YOU SWORE ALL THE OTHER TIMES YOU'VE MADE ME LIKE THIS? NO THANKS!"

The older man stood there in the snow, staring wide eyed at his torn down lover, usually ecstatic and energetic.

_"What have I done to him?" _The once pure, happy boy that Eiri had known, the innocent boy that believed in himself so strongly that he really believed that he could do and face anything... was gone. And Eiri was the one who had destroyed him. Eiri was the one who had given him a real taste of pure, bitter _life_. A poison that had literally destroyed the boy from the inside out.

Eiri hung his head low. "Why... Why is it that _every _time I have someone close to me... I do this to them?"

The pinkette stared blankly at his lover. "I dunno. What do you think?"

"I think... that if... you get too close... you won't want me anymore." Shuichi frowned.

Eiri admitted it. Finally, the burden that he'd been carrying was off of his shoulders, and he felt like he could breathe freely again for the first time in over a decade. If that was so... then why was he still crying like a child?

Cold lips touched his, equally cold fingers trailed along his jawline and neck, resting on his wounded cheek. The man brought his head up to look into violet orbs of emotion, filled to the brim with tears.

He grabbed the hand that rested on his cheek and held it in his own.

"I'll forgive you. But you have to promise me something." Eiri responded with a hesitant nod.

"You have to promise... that you'll never leave me alone like that again."

"I... I promise."

Shuichi kissed Eiri softly once more, rubbing a comforting thumb over Eiri's scrapes, in return the blonde caressed Shuichi's abused fingers and arms.

After asking himself, so many times that he'd not bother to start count, he knew exactly why he was on this earth. For Shuichi. And that was why Shu was here too- for Eiri.

This was love. This was life. And it was _his._ He'd never let this chance at hapiness slip away. Never.


End file.
